How Chili’s Saved/Ruined My Life.
A Play by Carles
Chapter 1: Parents Just Don’t Understand, yall“Eff yall mom and dad, I’m not going to college”, I screamed down the stairs. It was the summer after my senior year, I was 18 years old, and didn’t have a plan. I lived most nights driving around suburbia, smoking dank, getting buzzed on Arbor Mist wine, and eating fast food from establishments like Jack N Da Box, Taco Bell, Chipotle, and Arby’s. I had just broken up with my girlfriend because she left to start summer school at a prestigious Ivy League University. There was no reason for her to stay with a guy like me. Her parents wouldn’t even let me see her because I got caught making love 2 her 1 time. Anyways, she was gone. All that was left were warm memories of her sweet, creamy vajeng. That was okay with me. Shit was getting stale anyways, and I wanted to bang other broads. You know the old saying, “There’s plenty of Nemos in the sea, and if u really want, u can find 1 [via Pixars]." It's true. The best way to get over a girl is to have sex with another one, or at least that is what my Uncle taught me before he died of a black tar heroin overdose. He was a good guy, but never got over serving his time in Vietnam. Life at home was a grind. My parents wanted to know I was going to do something with my life. They wanted to know my plan. Even if it was just community college for a year, they would get off my back. I needed to get an apartment so bad, but I didn’t have a job, therefore I didn’t have enough cash to pay $250 a month on rent. Oh well, at least the fridge had tons of DiGiornos, Freshettas, and Hot Pockets. As a dankwave bro, I was in heaven. 
Summer was about to end, and my parents wanted me to enroll in community college. They even told me that they would keep paying for my car, my health insurance, and wouldn't make me pay rent just as long as I took 15 hours worth of credits. It was my only chance to stay alive. Would I make it in Community College?
Continue Reading-- Part 2: Community College: Is it 4 me? >>>
Scene 2: Community College Registration 
I walked on to the community college campus on the outerloop of suburbia. The campus was nice, but it felt a little bit like a middle school, except for losers who were trying 2 get their life together, or ppl who were too poor to afford real college. Needless to say, I hated the vibe, because I had traveled extensively, and I knew there was a whole ‘nother world out there. I was surrounded by people who were pursuing outlandish careers such as ‘video game designer’, ‘aircraft mechanic’, ‘auto mechanic’, and ‘EMT first responder.’ When you looked at these people, you knew they would never achieve their dreams. They would be lucky if they worked their way up to manager at the local KFC. It seemed like there was a whole ‘nother genre of successful females in community college who were working to get their associates degrees to become the ‘women who wear scrubs at doctor’s offices but don’t do anything besides file papers, weight patients, and take their blood pressure.’ 
I walked up to some guy wearing a lame polo that said ‘Community College of the North Hills’ with the lame ass logo on it. He treated me like I actually belonged there, asking me what I wanted to do with my time at community college. Advisor: Hello! Welcome. Me: whatever Advisor: What do you want to major in? Me: I’m only gonna be here for a semester Advisor: Well what do you want to take this semester? Basic reqs? Me: Yeah, gonna sign up for art classes Advisor: Well, those are usually reserved for our Art Tech program students Me: that’s bullshit bro Advisor: Don’t talk to me like that Me: Go eff urself Advisor: Excuse me, young man. We don’t talk to people like that at this college Me: You call this a college? I call it a shit hole. It smells like a day care center here. Advisor: We actually offer day care services here. 30% of our commuter population has children. We don’t believe having a child should stop mothers and fathers from pursuing their dreams. Me: This place makes me sick? You call this a real college. I’ve got news for you... It’s not. This place is a shit hole, and if God ever returns to Earth to tear shit up, this place is gonna be the first to go. You should be ashamed of yourself. I will never, ever, fucking end up like you. And if I do, I won’t keep going. I will drive to the edge of town, and put a gun to my head, and end it all. I won’t waste my time marrying an ugly wife and having her poop out kids. You think you got a nice life? I got news for you. Your life is shit, this school is shit, and I’m fucking out of here. I walked out of the community college and drove away, relieved that I had escaped. I went home, and my parents asked me how it went. I told them that I dropped out, and there was no way that they could get a refund on the tuition, but planned on cashing the check that they wrote to buy some new HD televisions. They were pissed, told me I had to get a job by the end of the week. I walked to the local strip mall and started applying every where possible. Hot Topic, Pac Sun, Abercrombie and Fitch, American Apparel, Auntie Anne’s Soft Pretzels, Pretzel Tyme, Chic Fil A, McDonalds, Wendy’s, Burger King, J Crew, LaCoste, Godiva, Coldstones Creamerings, Basket and Robbens, Pinkberries, the Sharper Image, Circuit City, and even the place that sells shitty cookie cakes to people who can’t afford real cakes. 
Things weren’t looking good. I had to sit thru a family dinner at Chili’s where my parents just psychologically abused me. I looked towards the door, and happened to notice a sign that said “Now Hiring.”
Continue to Act III >>>>>
Scene 3: Interview at Chili’s
Manager: Welcome to Chili’s. Are you familiar with our brand? Me: Yes, I try to eat here at least once a week. I love the atmosphere and experience. The servers are great people, and I would love to be a part of the family. Manager: Oh yeah? What’s ur favourite dish Me: There are so many choices. It is difficult to choose. Manager: Well let’s just say ur stuck on a LOST island... what would be your ‘bucket dish’? Me: It would probably have to be the Triple Dipper, the tasty appetizer with 3 options Manager: What would you get? Me: Probably South by Southwestern Egg rolls, Chicken Crispers, and boneless buffalo wings Manager: Great choices! You sound like my kind of guy Me: Hells yea! Manager: So are you in college or something? Me: No, I’m not. I’m trying to figure out what my passion is, what I’m trying to do with my life for the next year. Manager: I hear ya! College wasn’t for me, but I turned out okay. The restaurant biz is booming in this area. People can’t get enough Chili’s. Me: Yeah, every1 here seems really happy. Manager: We have a great team. We really are like a family. Me: I want to be a part of a family. Manager: Listen, you seem like a good guy. Right now we only have jobs available for bus boys. You’d start at the bottom, but have the chance to work your way up to food runner, host, and then a member of the waitstaff. Me: I’ll do anything. I just want to be a part of the team. Manager: It’s worth it. In 2 or 3 months, you can be promoted, or if some1 dies or gets a new job, you will move right up. Me: Do I get health insurance? Manager: No, but there are free meals. Me: How many meals per day? Manager: Formally, just one, but you can basically go into the kitchen and snack whenever you want. Just take food off people’s plates. Me: Oh yeah. Manager: Industry secret. Don’t let that one out. Me: Thanks for this opportunity. Manager: Don’t let me down, kid. Me: I won’t. Manager: Is there anything else you want to ask me? Me: Do I get a uniform? Manager: We issue you a black tshirt and black pants ,but many of our servers buy their own black t-shirts. Me: Can I wear my Slipknot tshirt if it is black? Manager: No. Me: Oh okay. Manager: Well yeah, like I was saying, we’re a real family here. Maybe you can come to our employee after party tonight. You do party, don’t you? Me: Yea, I party. Manager: We’re not drug tested here, so we can go as bat shit crazy as we want. Now if you worked at Applebee’s, you would get drug tested. Me: Yeah, my friend was fired from Applebees for failing a drug test. Manager: Shit. Me: Fuck. Manager: So what kinda music u like? Me: Just rock n roll Manager: U like nickelback? Me: Hell yea! Manager: Me too man. Me: Have u heard of Linkin park? Manager: I have that CD in my car right now. I love when they come on the radio. Me: Yeah, those dudes are so smart and they really understand the human condition. Manager: What is the ‘human condition’? Me: Well, it is the concept that we as humans are all suffering under the same constraints. Sorta like how we all have to make money, eat food, and how we are trapped under the government Manager: Yeah! But things are getting better since Obama got in office. Me: Yeah, he is really killing it. Manager: What do you think about terrorism? Me: I think it is bad. Manager: Me too, I wish we could find a way to end it. Me: There’s gotta be a better way. Maybe using peace. Manager: That’s so true, I never really thought about it that way. Me: Yeah. I read a lot of books by the Dolly Llama. Manager: Have u seen Napoleon Dynamite? Me: Yeah, I love that movie. Manager: Yeah there’s a llama in that shit. Me: Dude. Effing heeelarious. Manager: Llama. WTF is that thing? Like a donkey or something? Me: I don’t know dude, I think they glue cotton on a horse or something. Manager: Yeah shit is weird. Me: Vote for Pedro. Manager: Consider yourself voted on to team Chili’s! Me: Yay! Manager: g2g make some food but we’ll see you on Monday at 10 am sharp for the brunch shift. Me: It was a pleasure to meet you, and I am looking forward to our future together. I drove away from the Chili’s Parking Lot, and my life finally felt like it was ‘in place.’ I made the right decision by giving up on community college, and I had finally found a family. A career that would allow me to grow as a human, but also as an employee. I was tired of being an irresponsible bro. It was time for me to grow up. It was time for me to get inspired. It was time for me to stop thinking abt myself, and instead think about how I could make other people's lives' better, even if the only way to do that was by serving people quality comfort food. I felt a new me. Sprouting out of my cocoon. I was once a moth but soon I will be a butterfly
Continue to Scene 4 >>>>
Scene 4: 2 Years Later, Assistant Manager at Chili’s
I had been working at Chili’s for two years, working my way up to assistant manager. My manager was still in place, but we shared a lot of responsibilities, and turned our Chili's franchise in to one of the top performing chains in the region. It was a great turnaround, and the guys from corporate even threw us a party at the end of last year. I still spend a lot of time waiting tables, since I was a people person. I love meeting new and exciting people. I love introducing them to our brand and retaining them as customers. I finally met Mrs. Right, a bartender named Samantha who made the best Mexican martinis in town. She had a gift and was even thinking about inventing her own cocktails, and when the local sports team played, she could make up to $300 in tips. That money really helped us, since that’s how much rent cost. We were saving up for a two bed room apartment in a nicer area because she was expecting our first child. Our manager was super cool about it, and let her keep working as a bartender even though she was pregnant. Don't worry. She wasn't drinking while she was pregnant. Chili's was a great place to work. Here's a video youtube of us singing Happy Birthday to a family. No, we might not have the best voices, but you can tell it is a unique consumer experience where we really care about you. You can really taste the love in every bite.
I've grown up a lot. Sometimes I think about the person I was when I dropped out of community college. I was spoiled. I thought I was better than every one else, and I thought that my life was more special than every1 else's. I was dead wrong. My life is just as special as every one else's. It feels good to be alive, good to be positive. I have a better relationship with my parents, and realize that they just cared about me. Maybe life didn't turn out the way I thought it would. I'm not a rock star. I'm not a millionaire. I don't even own my own small business. But there is security in my life. I have an employer that cares for both me and my life partner. We're young, and we have our own little place. It's good. Things are good. It's not much, but I call it home. And every one needs a home... 
Maybe next fall... I'll start community college again. Maybe I'll go into it with a whole new perspective. Maybe I'll make friends. Maybe I'll use their daycare service. Maybe I'll apologize to every1 in my life who I let down in the past. Chili's gave me a second chance.
Continue to Chapter 5: New Beginnings >>>>>
Scene 5: New Beginnings & Reflections
This is my life. I work at Chili's This is my life. God Bless us, every1 Chili's food Asst Manager I dropped out of community college. Having my first child. Hi. This is a story abt how Chili's Saved My Life Saved Me. Saved Me From Myself. My Name is Nathan Jeffries. I am a man now.
FINAL ACT: The End >>>>>
FINAL ACT: The End >>>>>
Nathan Jeffries was found dead in his apartment on October 4, 2010. Authorities say it was a meth overdose. They found him dead on the floor with an uneaten To Go order from TGIFriday's. He is survived by his wife Samantha Jeffries and their daughter Dipping Sauce Jeffries, named after 'dipping sauces' at Chili's 
Soon after Nathan died, his local Chili's closed after authorities discovered that the restaurant was just a money laundering and drug front operated by the manager. The Manager soon took a paternity test, and turned out to be the father of Dipping Sauce Jeffries. He left to Mexico and was never heard from again. Nathan Jeffries was buried in an unmarked grave in the parking lot of a Chili's in his hometown of Cleveland, Ohio.